I'm Leaving Soon
But only, momentarily...
 |
| Photo by Ronnel Panizares Photography |
It's mindblowing and incredible how quickly this summer has come to pass in Toronto and what little time I've wasted to stop and marvel at where I stood in May to where I'm going in September.
I used to write in a personal diary book (which I kept under my bed) during the days that I was severely distressed, nonchalant, and grieving over an issue that clearly blew too much steam in my face. I think it would be more beneficial to myself - and others to voice those shrouded aspirations virtually as I've always wanted to - but to a larger macrocosm.
I always wanted to be a travel writer or food & art critic when it donned upon me that all my friends and people growing up around me in highschool wanted to pursue the biological sciences, actuarial mathematics, commerce and branch out in some field of economics. I had a high passion for visual story-telling, creative writing, painting, and digital documentation of my processes.
Throughout university, I honed those skills into academia - studying contemporary and Renaissance case studies in Western art history, psychology, and the basic root knowledge of languages such as French and Italian. Still, I did not feel fulfilled upon graduation which began my intermittent search - not only for a decently paying job within my field of study but for a conception of how I wanted to grow and portray myself as a(n) artist, designer, entrepreneur in the years to come. I developed so many unrealistic standards of myself to attain before the age of 30, and am only beginning to realize that these standards change by the week - according to the people you meet, the experiences you gravitate towards - everything will always be static.
Furthermore, I had a skewed perception of dating during my university years, especially living in a student-dominant town such as Kingston, ON - you're practically married to your lover by first-year frosh or you end up running around the mill chasing guys at keggers and the bar, both of which seemed ridiculous and unhealthy but whatever. When I moved back to Toronto, I practically jumped ship and fell into my first serious relationship - which at the time was the safest breath of air after being propelled by sporadic and uninteresting, undergraduate males. I also was not working a full-time job during this time - I picked up restaurant jobs whenever I could and took up many painting workshops so I always had the free time to fall back upon someone.
Two years of friendship, growing pains, levels of comfort, distance, accessibility, etc. and the pursuit of school together (we both went to and completed programs at Seneca College), and this chapter closed shortly thereafter (earlier this year).
It was definitely the hardest thing to overcome - it was the first marvel of something that had come to fruition on my own efforts and not something simply plopped into my lap based on academic or an industry's standards. I especially was not taking it too well in addition to not being able to find an internship for the summer, let alone a job when all my friends were landing really cool gigs that they enjoyed and specialized in. I reached out to so many people - friends, family, called up professionals for coffee (Ten Thousand Coffees), tried to network as much as I could and get my digital portfolio across the board. It was a deafening wait and I felt every week, I was becoming more defeated. I considered Good2Talk, a helpline for post-secondary students which pairs you up with counselling aid or simply a neutral person to talk to.
To this day, I would highly recommend having someone there on a netural-playing field to speak to above anyone else you may feel close to, when you feel like all the life choices are overburdening you but you have to strive through them independently.
I volunteered as much as I could - anything that I felt remotely interested in and had the free time to contribute to - I did it. It was eye-opening to see the youth at Oasis Skateboard Factory become so self-motivated and goal-oriented towards client-based projects, let alone their sheer, artistic talent in designing skate decks, posters, stickers, and other promo material. These guys were at most 21 years of age, and sitting on a bed of incredible artistic challenges and entrepreneurial experiences - it definitely motivated me to keep going and search for work that fit my lifestyle best.
I felt blessed when I landed an internship with Tynan Studio in June - I was out of the rabbit hole and moving quickly into someone's matured dream and aspiration in photography and videography. I truly learned a lot within the one month that I would've absorbed at a one-year's pace during my program at Seneca (Digital Media Arts). From this month, good opportunities sprung up in random places. I was employed with Art Starts, a non-profit organization that initiates and supports the community arts in hard to reach neighbourhoods. Again, being in this environment of entrepreneurs and self-directed professionals further inspired and motivated me to set my mark down, to network continuously, to keep dreaming and stop focusing on other people's agendas.
This summer has flown by, and the route for self-discovery is an ongoing one. When I fell ill in February, I told myself the biggest challenge and accomplishment this year would be to travel and go to a retreat alone (yoga, meditation, or something active).
Well, I'm going to Costa Rica for one in the next week and a bit, and although it may not be for yoga (SURFING!!), it definitely leads to further self-exploration and goal orientation :D
0 comments:
Post a Comment